You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
