I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
