My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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