Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
