Too much gin, very little bucket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
