He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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