fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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