this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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