How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize