Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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