Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
