you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
