They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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