I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
