I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
