Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
