Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize