I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
