the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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