Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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