Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
