Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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