I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
