things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
