Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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