There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
