She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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