well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What a dumb baby whore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
