Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When are your genitals available?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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