is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
