A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
