I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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