Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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