About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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