the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My vagina just clenched in fear
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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