I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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