i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
