she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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