Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
