just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
