Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
