Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
