you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
