I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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