I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Someone signed my nipple.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize