Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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