hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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