I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize