I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize