I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
