Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
