I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
