you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
