I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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