How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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