Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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