she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
