you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
