i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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