she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
