My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
