I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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