I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
