i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
