a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
