I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
