I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
