There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
