If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
