she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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