Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
