And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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