Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
