I looked at my own cervix.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
