Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
