Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
