If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
