Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
cat food counts as protein by the way
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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