He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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