I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
