i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
