just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
