It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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