I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
