My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
