he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My vagina just recognized that song.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize